R.I.P. Mom, We all miss you so much.

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal, it's so unfair

And it feels, and it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels, yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away

-- Offspring, "Gone Away"

Its so hard to look at the faces of my loved ones with these tears in my eyes. Its hard to see everyone feel so hurt and lost. I'm trying to be as strong as I can be. But it hurts. And I don't know when it will stop. My daughter is taking it much better than I expected. I don't know that she entirely understands. I have nothing profound to say. Nothing of any merit. I just know I haven't been this sad in my life. And I know that at some point it gets easier, but that light is still at the very far end of the tunnel and I'm taking baby steps. My sister's friend lost a parent three years ago. And her and her daughter still hurt. I am preparing myself to never stop hurting, but hoping that the pain hurts less over time. Now more than ever I'm going to need the support of my friends and family. But for once I wish I wasn't the first of my friends to go through these life experiences.

First to be married. First to be a father. First to be divorced. And now first to lose a parent. I started writing this to feel better, but thus far I don't. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. Working on my blogs and spending time with the family and if weather permits I'll continue to work on the backyard landscaping with my brother-in-law. And continuing to believe that my mother was proud of my family. And that she loved us all very much. And no matter what, knowing that when she left us, she took a piece of our hearts with her. Mom, if you are watching over us, just know that I always wanted to make you proud. And I hope that I did. Please look after your daughter and my niece. They need you. And we'll be okay, someday.

R.I.P
May 23rd 1943 - June 4th, 2009

Good Bye FM Talk 97.1

Today marks a dark day in the history of Los Angeles radio market. At 5:00pm the only FM Talk Radio station in L.A. is flipping its format to a Top 40's Chart station. From the rumor mills, I've heard that this decision was based on NOT being able to sell advertising dollars. And now instead of a unique radio station which featured FM Talk we're going to have another KIIS FM. In my 17 Years of radio listening, I've lost many of favorite radio stations. I can remember back with KPWR 105.9, (Power 106) was a Top 40 Station. I still miss 100.3 Pirate Radio. I remember being in High School and watching the Metal Heads be devistated with 105.5 KNAC because a Spanish Speaking station.

Y107 was the last station that was taken from me. 107.1 was an alternative to KROQ, which at the time was much needed. A dear friend of mine spent about 10 Hours in Oakland to watch Pearl Jam and the Rolling Stones thanks to 107.1. That station too flipped its format to a spanish speaking station. Even as recent as of December of last year, Indie 103 ( I didn't really listen to that station), went to a spanish speaking format.

97.1 hurts, because ever since I've started my new career it has been there for me. Working in an office and growing weary of sports talk radio, FM Talk was what captured my attention. I will mostly miss Frosty, Heidi, and Frank. I will also miss Danny Bonaduce and Tom Leykis. I hope those show's host land on their feet and land somewhere, where I can continue to listen.

This is a sad day for me. And at Friday 5pm, Feb. 20th we'll all say goodbye to individuality in Los Angeles and say hello to conformity. Farewell!