Nothing says Christmas like Rage Against The Machine

What is it about Christmas that I link so closely to Rage Against the Machine? When I first saw this video which was produced in conjunction with the Rage Against the Machine vs. X-Factor, I was taken back to my days working at Best Buy.  Christmas is always a miserable time if you are working retail.  Don't let commercials or live news reports tell you otherwise.  It was November 26th, 1999--  Black Friday.  My family all up in Wrightwood enjoying the day to sleep in... I was in my old Chevy Blazer (no heater) driving to work.  Normally a half hour drive, but not at 3:30 in the morning.  Much to my chagrin, the parking lot was full of bargain hunters.  I would be working in Loss Prevention, but on this day it was mostly crowd control.  But what helped me get through this day and really every day durning the holidays was Rage Against The Machine's Testify.  That sound would be on full blast as I would commute into work in the wee hours of the morning.  Before I was drinking coffee or trying energy drinks, RATM was my wake up call.  And I was happy.  So although I hated the holiday time because of where I worked, I loved Rage for giving me the wherewithal to get to work every morning.  So enjoy the video and happy holidays.

R.I.P. Mom, We all miss you so much.

Maybe in another life
I could find you there
Pulled away before your time
I can't deal, it's so unfair

And it feels, and it feels like
Heaven's so far away
And it feels, yeah it feels like
The world has grown cold
Now that you've gone away

-- Offspring, "Gone Away"

Its so hard to look at the faces of my loved ones with these tears in my eyes. Its hard to see everyone feel so hurt and lost. I'm trying to be as strong as I can be. But it hurts. And I don't know when it will stop. My daughter is taking it much better than I expected. I don't know that she entirely understands. I have nothing profound to say. Nothing of any merit. I just know I haven't been this sad in my life. And I know that at some point it gets easier, but that light is still at the very far end of the tunnel and I'm taking baby steps. My sister's friend lost a parent three years ago. And her and her daughter still hurt. I am preparing myself to never stop hurting, but hoping that the pain hurts less over time. Now more than ever I'm going to need the support of my friends and family. But for once I wish I wasn't the first of my friends to go through these life experiences.

First to be married. First to be a father. First to be divorced. And now first to lose a parent. I started writing this to feel better, but thus far I don't. I'm trying to keep myself occupied. Working on my blogs and spending time with the family and if weather permits I'll continue to work on the backyard landscaping with my brother-in-law. And continuing to believe that my mother was proud of my family. And that she loved us all very much. And no matter what, knowing that when she left us, she took a piece of our hearts with her. Mom, if you are watching over us, just know that I always wanted to make you proud. And I hope that I did. Please look after your daughter and my niece. They need you. And we'll be okay, someday.

R.I.P
May 23rd 1943 - June 4th, 2009

Aeroméxico Flight 498

It was as normal as any other Sunday. Sunday Mornings for some kids were spent in front of a television watching cartoons and eating their favorite sugary cereal containing the highest quality toys crafted by the fine inhabitants of Hong Kong or putting on the nicest clothes they had to impress fellow parishioners at their local church. I was a little different. My family wasn't exactly the Church going kind of folk and I think my parents felt I had enough brain rotting on Saturdays. So every Sunday Morning, my father took my brother, my sister, and I to Cypress College's Weekend Swapmeet.

My father would allow me to spend my five dollar allowance on pretty much anything I wanted. Early on that five big ones would go towards replenishing my He-Man collection or towards recruiting my ever growing G.I. Joe. One Sunday in particular my sister and I found ourselves separated from my father in search of tasty snacks. We would run around in a gigantic game of hide and seek and tag. Upon seeing my father I looked up towards the North Eastern Sky. And what I saw amazed me... an explosion and a plane disintegrated before my eyes. What frightened me most is that my best friend at the time Marco was supposed to be coming back to the United States from his Week Long Vacation in Mexico.

Imagine my horror when I learned that the mangled mess in the air was the remnants of Aeroméxico Flight 498 that was destroyed when a small charter plane flew right into the other plane. I nearly wept when I heard it was Aeroméxico, because that was the name of the airline Marco was flying out on. And this was the time he was supposed to be coming home. It would be a few days later, Marco told me that he was supposed to be on that flight, but a last minute decision kept him safely in Mexico for an extra day.

The last time I thought of this was during September 11th when I was hoping that the devastating collision into the World Trade Center was some lethal mistake. I thought about it again when I was checking Google Maps and saw that there is a feature that have links from Wikipedia. Just another reason I love Google Maps.